| | ummm so yah I haven't updated in a while because I'm not sure what I can say without making someone mad.....I can't even express my feelings fully to anyone enymore......it feels like I have to hide myself from everyone in order to stay safe....I know that thats not the way it should be but I can't help it.......I feel like if I tell some people how I truly feel they wouldn't want to know me anymore.....the distance between me and the real world keeps growing and growing and I don't know if its me or if its just the way things work sometimes......I dunno......I wish that this neverending cycle would just stop.....I want to freeze time and just sit and wonder about the true meaning of life.....I know this entry sounds terrible but its really not......it feels good for me to be able to let out all of my anger and frustration and not care what people are going to think about it.....I know there are going to be a lot of questions about this entry but I really don't know how I am going to answer them......I feel pushed to the side lately like everyone else is happy and I don't deserve to be......I feel like I don't deserve anything anymore....I don't deserve to be happy like everyone else is and have someone there for me everytime I need a shoulder to cry on.....I don't have that comfort or that privelage and I dunno.......it just feels like I don't belong with my friends anymore.......like an ugly duckling or something like that.......does that make any sense at all????.......I dunno I am going home this weekend partly to figure all of this stuff out and try and understand why everyone else has someone and I don't have anyone.....I know I have my friends to care about me but thats just not enough sometimes.......I miss having someone special and I dunno I just wish that somehow I could get that back.......I guess I have said enough for one entry and I will have enough questions to answer now...... |
| | Posted 2/11/2005 3:26 PM - 9 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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